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by Sergio Salotto
Freedom of Choice: the God-given right given
to mankind for him to do whatever he wants. This
is regarded to
be the
fundamental principle and basis for man’s life
here on this planet. So much has
been, as is still,
written, preached and taught on
this fundamental principal, yet, despite all these
teachings, mankind still experiences a daily life
of general struggle and
unhappiness. The question must therefore be asked, “is
what we have been taught the true reality of Freedom
of Choice?”
If it
is true, then why is our human existence such a painful
and destructive experience? Is it possible that we
may have it all wrong?
Do we really know what True Freedom of Choice really
is and how we should be manifesting it? There are those
who will say that
they know that they are not exercising their Freedom
of Choice whilst others will claim that they are. Those
who acknowledge
not to be exercising their Freedom of Choice, will
probably easily identify with what is to follow here.
On the other hand, those
who believe that they are exercising their Freedom
of Choice may find what follows to be somewhat absurd.
But one thing is for
sure, regardless in which of the two categories anyone
will consider themselves to fall into, deep within
most cannot escape or
deny the fact that there are many moments, days, weeks,
months and even years, when they experience anger,
frustration, stress,
feel the need to have to succeed at all and any cost,
fear rejection, lack self-contentment, are dependent
on their circumstances
for comfort or happiness, and other such emotional
needs resulting in mental anxiety. What should this
be telling us? That
despite what we may want to believe about ourselves
and our lives, maybe something is not quite right for
if we ere experiencing True
Freedom of Choice at every moment of our lives, we
would not experience any of the above. If we can
acknowledge that
much, then maybe we stand a chance of finding and experiencing
our True Freedom of Choice. Let us explore this further.
What then might the true meaning of the term True
Freedom of Choice really be? Look at how you live your
life
each day. How
many decisions are you making each moment of the day
based on your perception or assessment of whether your
actions and
behaviour might be right or wrong, acceptable or non-acceptable
(that is, the possible consequences) to family, friends,
colleagues, your employer or boss, society, partners,
spouses, children, parents, etc? In other words, how
many decisions are
you taking out of your fears of the possible consequences?
Following from which, in order to satisfy your resultant
emotional
needs and fears, how often do you take the path of
least resistance? Or alternatively, do you perhaps
take a stand just to prove
a point (invariably only to yourself) regardless of
the possible consequences? If you are doing any of
this, then ask yourself the
question, “Who is it that is deciding, YOU or
your FEARS?” Consider also other decisions you
may be taking, like acting out of
consideration for others - like your partner, child,
boss, charity or whomever - and ask yourself whether
you are really doing this
out of consideration of others or whether you are doing
it out of your own fears of otherwise being considered
or labelled as being
selfish, uncaring, non-giving, seeking recognition,
etc. Is it possible that you may also be behaving in
this way out of your fears
of the possible consequences?. In all and any such
circumstances ask yourself the question again as to
who is making these
decisions, YOU or your FEARS. Like most people there
is more than an even bet that like them you too are
being driven by your
FEARS. That being so, then where does true freedom
of choice come into the picture. The truth! So far,
maybe never. So
where does that leave you and everyone else?
Let us look at another real life situation. Consider
that contentious “classic” issue that exists
between smokers and non-smokers. Smokers feel it is their
right of Freedom of Choice to smoke anywhere and anytime
- the same off-course
goes applies equally
to drinking alcoholic beverages, taking drugs, obsessive
behaviours, and so on. Non-smokers on the other hand
feel that their
right of Freedom of Choice is taken away when smokers
are permitted to indiscriminately pollute the air and
environment wherever
and whenever they choose to. Given that both have an
equal right to exercise their Freedom of Choice, who
has what rights in
this question of smoking? Consenting to one party’s
claims would mean that the other party would have to
compromise on their
right to Freedom of Choice which would in turn result
that party being discriminated against for the sake
of the other. So, taking
this issue of smoking, how can each one exercise their
TRUE Freedom of Choice in such a situation? Is there
a way? Or, does
the question of TRUE Freedom of Choice perhaps not
even play a role in this whole issue?
If you are a smoker, or were a smoker (or an alcohol
(ab)user, drug abuser, or maybe even a workaholic,
or have an obsession
with food, or have the need to be successful and a
winner), take yourself back to the time and circumstances
when you had your
first ever cigarette (or drink, or whatever). Now examine
and consider the reasons behind why you took that first
cigarette (drink
or whatever). Why did you do it? Like most self-admitting “addicts”,
it is more than an even bet that the reason behind
why you
did this was in order to: be like everyone else, avoid
being rejected and unacceptable, be “cool”,
prove a point, rebel against
conforming, overcome your feeling and fear of “I
AM NOT GOOD ENOUGH”, overcome your fear of being
a failure, and other
such fears of not being acceptable. So, in order to
experience a sense of belonging and avoid experiencing
the pains of rejection
or being unacceptable or a failure, you took the DECISION
to behave how you believed others wanted you to behave
in order
to be accepted. You might feel and argue that in doing
this you were exercising your Freedom of Choice. But
were you? If we
analyse your decision what you will see is that you
did this out of your fears of the possible consequences
of not being
acceptable as you were. Therefore all you in fact did
was take a decision that would satisfy your fears.
In real terms therefore,
all you did was satisfy and minimise or remove those
emotional pains fears of rejection you might have had
to otherwise endure
if you had not taken that decision. Once again all
you did was act out of your fears of the possible consequences.
Making
decisions based on fears of the possible consequences
and TRUE Freedom of Choice are often misinterpreted
as being one
and the same thing. In reality however, there is a
vast and fundamental difference between them.
From the moment we are born, our parents, family
and friends, colleagues, society, the media (TV, magazines,
radio,
newspapers), Governments, religion, etc. - that is,
our cultural environment - set out to teach us what
life is supposedly all about.
From birth we are forced to conform to our parent’s
expectations and needs. As we grow older, we are conditioned
to accept what
is socially acceptable behaviour, what to believe in,
what is expected of us, what career we should follow,
we are put through and
have to endure years and years of educational, moral
and social tests and examinations in order prove our
acceptability and those
who fail, well, they are simply excluded.
Through this
methodology and belief system we are taught the supposed
rights and
wrongs of life and if we don’t conform, we get
punished. And so the process of our conditioning takes
shape. Interestingly, even
when we do conform, somehow it is still not good enough,
like for example:
- no matter what we do or how we try to meet our
parent’s
expectations, they always expect more
- whenever we
try to be what we believe that our parents want us
to be, it is never good enough -
result: we
either
subdue ourselves to conform to their expectations
or we become rebellious
- no matter what we do for
the partners in our relationships, it is never good
enough or
we have to be what they
want us to be
- as parents, we never seem to be good
enough or measure up to our children’s expectations
- as employees, no matter how much we achieve, the
next targets or goals are just pushed higher and
higher.
While senior management enjoy luxurious office surroundings,
drive expensive cars etc., the staff have to watch
expenses, work for less remuneration and benefits,
etc. - an environment of total inequality and discrimination
And so life becomes an ongoing struggle to survive,
prove our self-worth, gain recognition, always be the
best, pay the monthly
bills, etc. How do you experience yourself through
all this? Is it really OK for you to live like this?
Can you identify with any of the
above? If you do, then ask yourself whether you are
really exercising TRUE Freedom of Choice in your life?
And be real to
yourself about whether you are really at peace and
content to live your life like this. One of the areas
first affected by our state
of non-well-being is undoubtedly to be found in our
own homes, our relationships. Look at your relationships
with yourself, your
partner, children, parents, career, boss, colleagues,
Government, etc. How much anger, frustration, depression,
no fun, guilt,
feeling of being trapped, stress, no peace, and other
similar or related emotional pains (mental anxiety)
are you experiencing each
day of your life? Does this allow you to live each
moment in time to its fullest and to experience personal
freedom, or do you
find yourself having to compromise on what you really
want? And how do you really feel about having to compromise
yourself?
Is it fulfilling, or do you end up experiencing a
sense of emptiness and meaninglessness about your life?
If
so, what have you
done to bring some degree of meaning into your life?
Have you perhaps gone through a divorce, changed jobs,
emigrated to a
new country, relocated home, become a workaholic or
sport fanatic, or done anything else to find that something
with which to
fill that sense of emptiness you may be experiencing?
Have you succeeded to create a meaningful life for
yourself yet?
If you have still not found meaning for your life
and perhaps feel and believe that you have been dealt
a “raw
deal” in life, are you
maybe blaming your partner, children, parents, the
job, the Government, politics, the police, your boss,
the lack of money (that
is, your circumstances) for the way you are feeling?
Are you maybe also wishing and expecting the circumstances
to change
so that you can be OK? Maybe even playing the waiting
game of, “when I have enough money ... : when
there is no more crime
... : when I retire ... : when my children are on their
own ... : etc.”, in the hope that you may enjoy
your life, do what you want
to do and experience FREEDOM, FUN, LOVE, JOY, HAPPINESS,
etc. But what if the circumstances do not change to
the way
you expect them to? What then? Look, have they changed
yet to meet your expectations and needs? If they have
not changed
yet, what guarantee do you have of them ever changing?
And if they have changed for the better, what guarantee
do you have
that they may never change back again? Will you be
happy to live the rest of your life as you are, dependent
on your
circumstances, and hence, A VICTIM of these and therefore
of LIFE?
Assuming you did not have to consider the consequences
of your actions, if right now you had the opportunity
to change anything
in your life are there things that you would want
to be different and would like to change? If there
are,
what is stopping you from
changing them? Could it be that you have a fear of
the possible consequences? If you can acknowledge
to yourself that just
maybe your life is being controlled by circumstances
and that you are only making decisions as opposed
to exercising your true
Freedom of Choice, maybe you will have taken the
first step towards bringing about a change for your
life.
Maybe it is time that
you started exercising your true Freedom of Choice
in spite of, or regardless of, your circumstances
and live a more fulfilling
and meaningful life and thereby reclaim your rights
to experience the JOY, LOVE, HAPPINESS, PEACE and
CONTENTMENT
you so richly deserve.
Uncover your Purpose and Meaning
for your life and discover how,
YOUR LIFE CAN BE DIFFERENT.
There is another
way.
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